Sex does more than feel good -- it relieves stress, strengthens your immune system, helps you stay fit and much more. Learn ways to spice up your love life (and boost your health at the same time) from sex therapists Ian Kerner and Sari Cooper.
1. It's important to boost your partner's sense of sexual self-esteem, says sex therapist Ian Kerner. An easy way to do this is to give your partner a morning kiss or a hug. It's a simple way to let them know that they're still sexy to you.
2. Kerner says the best way to break out of a sex rut is to simply have sex. If you just go for it and start kissing and connecting, you'll discover how much fun it is. Being in a sex rut lowers testosterone levels in both men and women, which affects the sex drive. So it's important to stay out of those sex ruts as much as you can.
3. To feel more comfortable with your body, look in the mirror, find one thing about your body that you like and compliment yourself. If you do that every day, you'll have a host of positive statements to replace the negative self-talk that can get in the way of enjoying sex.
4. No studies suggesting a child who accidentally sees their parents having sex will be psychologically damaged. What can be damaging to children is having unhappy parents, divorced parents or parents in sexless marriages. So make time for sex -- even if the kids are home.
5. The best time to communicate with your partner about your sexual needs is when you're outside the bedroom. Doing this brings your partner's defensiveness down. Another way to communicate with your partner is to each write down the things you've always wanted out of your sexual relationship and switch papers. Then meet and talk about it. Just be sure not to laugh, because you don't want your partner to feel embarrassed.
6. It's never a good idea to fake an orgasm. Instead, have a candid conversation with your partner about what's not working, so that your sexual needs will be met.
7. Hugging your partner for 30 seconds or more a day boosts oxytocin levels (aka, the "cuddle hormone"). This is especially important for women. Oxytocin plays a role in facilitating a sense of trust, connection and bonding with your partner.
8. Watching movies with "good" sex scenes, reading erotica, taking a sensual bath. All of these can boost your libido and help you stay engaged with your partner. What other relaxing, feel-good activities put you in the mood?
9. The male sexual brain responds directly to visual stimulation -- a woman's body, lingerie, watching sexual positions. Men also like to know that their partner is enjoying sex -- and they like for her to take charge during intercourse.
10. It can be hard to fit sex into your busy life, so many couples develop the art of the "quickie." This can include touching, connecting, hugging and even sharing a sexy text. All of these acts help build up sexual anticipation throughout the day and help a couple maintain intimacy.
11. Foreplay is incredibly important because it helps couples reach orgasm. Both the male and female orgasm involve two things: vasocongestion (blood flow into the genitals) and myotonia (muscular tension throughout the body). Foreplay helps these happen, leading to that critical threshold.
12. A lot of sex is mental, and according to Kerner, your brain is actually your biggest sex organ. If your mind isn't "into" sex, your body may not kick into gear. Kerner suggests sharing a sexy fantasy with your partner or reading some erotica to get your mind in the mood for sex.
13. According to sex therapist Sari Cooper, if you feel aroused while saying dirty words while looking in a mirror, you might want to talk to your partner about incorporating this kind of play into your sex life.
14. Couples plan dates, so why not plan sex? When you plan sex you have time to look forward to it and time to think about the things you want to do with your partner. The anticipation makes for a better experience.
15. Women are most able to acheive orgasm when they're very relaxed. The parts of a woman's brain associated with stress, anxiety and high emotion deactivate during the process of arousal. The closer a woman gets to orgasm, the more she goes into a trance-like state. If you create an environment that facilitates relaxation, orgasm happens.
16. According to Kerner, the best sexual position for a man with a smaller than average penis is the woman-on-top position. This provides extra clitoral stimulation because she is pressed against the man's pelvic bone.
17. According to Kerner, the best sexual position for a man with a larger-sized penis is side-by-side. This position gives the woman a degree of sexual control so that it doesn't cause painful intercourse.
18. Just as nutritionists recommend a well-balanced diet consisting of foods from the different food groups, Kerner recommends a well-balanced sex life that includes various types of sex. There is sex for emotional intimacy, sex for the sake of sex, sex that taps into the power of imagination and sex that plays with various senses. To keep your sex life healthy, try to engage in these different types of sex.
19. According to Cooper, the one thing couples should never do during sex is compare each other to previous partners. Everyone is different, and what pleased one partner in the past may not do the same for a different partner.
20. Women like kissing more than men. According Cooper, this is because kissing gets the oxytocin flowing in a woman's body, which allows her to feel relaxed and bonded with her partner.
2. Kerner says the best way to break out of a sex rut is to simply have sex. If you just go for it and start kissing and connecting, you'll discover how much fun it is. Being in a sex rut lowers testosterone levels in both men and women, which affects the sex drive. So it's important to stay out of those sex ruts as much as you can.
3. To feel more comfortable with your body, look in the mirror, find one thing about your body that you like and compliment yourself. If you do that every day, you'll have a host of positive statements to replace the negative self-talk that can get in the way of enjoying sex.
4. No studies suggesting a child who accidentally sees their parents having sex will be psychologically damaged. What can be damaging to children is having unhappy parents, divorced parents or parents in sexless marriages. So make time for sex -- even if the kids are home.
5. The best time to communicate with your partner about your sexual needs is when you're outside the bedroom. Doing this brings your partner's defensiveness down. Another way to communicate with your partner is to each write down the things you've always wanted out of your sexual relationship and switch papers. Then meet and talk about it. Just be sure not to laugh, because you don't want your partner to feel embarrassed.
6. It's never a good idea to fake an orgasm. Instead, have a candid conversation with your partner about what's not working, so that your sexual needs will be met.
7. Hugging your partner for 30 seconds or more a day boosts oxytocin levels (aka, the "cuddle hormone"). This is especially important for women. Oxytocin plays a role in facilitating a sense of trust, connection and bonding with your partner.
8. Watching movies with "good" sex scenes, reading erotica, taking a sensual bath. All of these can boost your libido and help you stay engaged with your partner. What other relaxing, feel-good activities put you in the mood?
9. The male sexual brain responds directly to visual stimulation -- a woman's body, lingerie, watching sexual positions. Men also like to know that their partner is enjoying sex -- and they like for her to take charge during intercourse.
10. It can be hard to fit sex into your busy life, so many couples develop the art of the "quickie." This can include touching, connecting, hugging and even sharing a sexy text. All of these acts help build up sexual anticipation throughout the day and help a couple maintain intimacy.
11. Foreplay is incredibly important because it helps couples reach orgasm. Both the male and female orgasm involve two things: vasocongestion (blood flow into the genitals) and myotonia (muscular tension throughout the body). Foreplay helps these happen, leading to that critical threshold.
12. A lot of sex is mental, and according to Kerner, your brain is actually your biggest sex organ. If your mind isn't "into" sex, your body may not kick into gear. Kerner suggests sharing a sexy fantasy with your partner or reading some erotica to get your mind in the mood for sex.
13. According to sex therapist Sari Cooper, if you feel aroused while saying dirty words while looking in a mirror, you might want to talk to your partner about incorporating this kind of play into your sex life.
14. Couples plan dates, so why not plan sex? When you plan sex you have time to look forward to it and time to think about the things you want to do with your partner. The anticipation makes for a better experience.
15. Women are most able to acheive orgasm when they're very relaxed. The parts of a woman's brain associated with stress, anxiety and high emotion deactivate during the process of arousal. The closer a woman gets to orgasm, the more she goes into a trance-like state. If you create an environment that facilitates relaxation, orgasm happens.
16. According to Kerner, the best sexual position for a man with a smaller than average penis is the woman-on-top position. This provides extra clitoral stimulation because she is pressed against the man's pelvic bone.
17. According to Kerner, the best sexual position for a man with a larger-sized penis is side-by-side. This position gives the woman a degree of sexual control so that it doesn't cause painful intercourse.
18. Just as nutritionists recommend a well-balanced diet consisting of foods from the different food groups, Kerner recommends a well-balanced sex life that includes various types of sex. There is sex for emotional intimacy, sex for the sake of sex, sex that taps into the power of imagination and sex that plays with various senses. To keep your sex life healthy, try to engage in these different types of sex.
19. According to Cooper, the one thing couples should never do during sex is compare each other to previous partners. Everyone is different, and what pleased one partner in the past may not do the same for a different partner.
20. Women like kissing more than men. According Cooper, this is because kissing gets the oxytocin flowing in a woman's body, which allows her to feel relaxed and bonded with her partner.
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